The Uniqueness of Mozambique: Points to Ponder
Mozambique is a unique country. Officially, it's a Portuguese-speaking nation shoved in the middle of a sub-Saharan African environment fluent in English. Unofficially, it can at times resemble two countries in one: the more populated northern region looks drastically different from the more tourist-driven south. Since being here, though, I've also noticed a few other oddities that are worthy of comment. In an effort to provide a little humor to our cultural emersion experiences, I've listed them below:
1.) Michael Bolton is God here. I've heard every song of every album of every bad Michael Bolton hit and non-hit there ever was. I hear them daily. Every other moment, MB blasts from the radios of all Mozambican street corners. "How Can We Be Lovers If We Can't Be Friends" haunts my every dream.
2.) If Michael Bolton is God, then the members of O-Town are Jesus. Do you remember O-Town? Yeah, I don't either. However, they're suppossedly the one-hit wonder band of the late '90s whose music was even far less popular than the Backstreet Boys' most recent albums. During the moments when the Michael Bolton tapes are given a rest, the O-Town cassettes go in. You can imagine how thrilled this makes a girl who's a fan of real rock-n-roll.
3.) Everyone around me wears sweaters, fleeces, and turtle necks. However, it's warm here. Both the highs and lows range around a constant 86.5 degrees. It's t-shirt wearing weather. The way people dress, though, one would think we were in the tundra. Apparently, the "winter season" isn't taken lightly in Mozambique.
4.) There's a man who rides around my town in a pink Teletubby bonnet. He does it for no apparent reason. I think he thinks it's cool. Secretly, I want to be that confident.
5.) Bikes serve as all purpose vehicles here. Today, I saw four adults on one small bike. A baby was on the hip of one of the women hovering above the back tire. That makes five people total. Five people, one bike. Imagine what folks here could do with SUVs.
6.) Going to the bank is like venturing cross-town in rush hour Atlanta traffic. Lines stretch for kilometers. People pass out from heat exhaustion. Waiting for the ATM is an event in itself. Clear your schedule for it.
7.) In Mozambique, they put banana on their pizza. Even odder than this: It's incredibly delicious!
8.) When you ask for the check at a restaurant, the Portuguese translation for this is literally, "I am asking for the check." If you said this in the States, you would be criticized for acting smart.
9.) I'm generalizing here, but most Mozambicans hate dogs. Everyone I've met loathes them. Despite this fact, more dogs reside in a single city block than do people. They are everywhere. Sometimes I think I'm living in a kennel.
10.) Shoes are EVERYWHERE. Apparently, Mozambique is the dumping ground for all of the West's capezios. Old school orange Nikes from the Jordan days mix with two cent flip-flops with no sole. This, combined with the fact, that a lot of people here don't wear shoes. Maybe it's because they can't afford them. Maybe it's because they find wearing them annoying. Either way, if you're thinking of sending something to Africa, don't send shoes.
11.) The toilet water swirls in the opposite direction here. It does this in other places I've been, but it still never ceases to amaze me.
12.) The great outdoors of this country is often confused for both a giant trashcan and a giant toilet bowl. Thankfully, though, the smell created by both of these things doesn't detract from the aromas of stone-fired rice cooking over the grill and fresh fruits hanging from every tree.
13.) If cops in the US are known for coffee and donuts, police here are known for beer... lots and lots of beer. Yesterday, I saw a police truck piled high with cases and cases of 2M, the national beer. Thus far, I've only met two cops who weren't under the influence. Thankfully, though, most police here don't carry firearms.
14.) Although Mozambique stretches the distance from Maine to South Carolina, 95% of its population is below the poverty line, and power is available in only a few of its cities, cell phone reception is everywhere. I can be in the backwoods of the least developed province, and hear the person calling from the US with perfect clarity. I have more problems with cell phone reception in my hometown of Tupelo, Mississippi than in Quelimane, Mozambique.
15.) The most authentic-looking "Mozambican" souvenirs here have "Made in Taiwan" written on the back. Observe the wonders of globalization, my friends.
1.) Michael Bolton is God here. I've heard every song of every album of every bad Michael Bolton hit and non-hit there ever was. I hear them daily. Every other moment, MB blasts from the radios of all Mozambican street corners. "How Can We Be Lovers If We Can't Be Friends" haunts my every dream.
2.) If Michael Bolton is God, then the members of O-Town are Jesus. Do you remember O-Town? Yeah, I don't either. However, they're suppossedly the one-hit wonder band of the late '90s whose music was even far less popular than the Backstreet Boys' most recent albums. During the moments when the Michael Bolton tapes are given a rest, the O-Town cassettes go in. You can imagine how thrilled this makes a girl who's a fan of real rock-n-roll.
3.) Everyone around me wears sweaters, fleeces, and turtle necks. However, it's warm here. Both the highs and lows range around a constant 86.5 degrees. It's t-shirt wearing weather. The way people dress, though, one would think we were in the tundra. Apparently, the "winter season" isn't taken lightly in Mozambique.
4.) There's a man who rides around my town in a pink Teletubby bonnet. He does it for no apparent reason. I think he thinks it's cool. Secretly, I want to be that confident.
5.) Bikes serve as all purpose vehicles here. Today, I saw four adults on one small bike. A baby was on the hip of one of the women hovering above the back tire. That makes five people total. Five people, one bike. Imagine what folks here could do with SUVs.
6.) Going to the bank is like venturing cross-town in rush hour Atlanta traffic. Lines stretch for kilometers. People pass out from heat exhaustion. Waiting for the ATM is an event in itself. Clear your schedule for it.
7.) In Mozambique, they put banana on their pizza. Even odder than this: It's incredibly delicious!
8.) When you ask for the check at a restaurant, the Portuguese translation for this is literally, "I am asking for the check." If you said this in the States, you would be criticized for acting smart.
9.) I'm generalizing here, but most Mozambicans hate dogs. Everyone I've met loathes them. Despite this fact, more dogs reside in a single city block than do people. They are everywhere. Sometimes I think I'm living in a kennel.
10.) Shoes are EVERYWHERE. Apparently, Mozambique is the dumping ground for all of the West's capezios. Old school orange Nikes from the Jordan days mix with two cent flip-flops with no sole. This, combined with the fact, that a lot of people here don't wear shoes. Maybe it's because they can't afford them. Maybe it's because they find wearing them annoying. Either way, if you're thinking of sending something to Africa, don't send shoes.
11.) The toilet water swirls in the opposite direction here. It does this in other places I've been, but it still never ceases to amaze me.
12.) The great outdoors of this country is often confused for both a giant trashcan and a giant toilet bowl. Thankfully, though, the smell created by both of these things doesn't detract from the aromas of stone-fired rice cooking over the grill and fresh fruits hanging from every tree.
13.) If cops in the US are known for coffee and donuts, police here are known for beer... lots and lots of beer. Yesterday, I saw a police truck piled high with cases and cases of 2M, the national beer. Thus far, I've only met two cops who weren't under the influence. Thankfully, though, most police here don't carry firearms.
14.) Although Mozambique stretches the distance from Maine to South Carolina, 95% of its population is below the poverty line, and power is available in only a few of its cities, cell phone reception is everywhere. I can be in the backwoods of the least developed province, and hear the person calling from the US with perfect clarity. I have more problems with cell phone reception in my hometown of Tupelo, Mississippi than in Quelimane, Mozambique.
15.) The most authentic-looking "Mozambican" souvenirs here have "Made in Taiwan" written on the back. Observe the wonders of globalization, my friends.
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posted by Maria at
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